THE FAMOUS ELSEWHERE HIGHLY PERSONAL QUESTIONNAIRE: Cameron McCurdy aka LEIGH

Elsewhere recently received an email from a former music student who invited us to have a listen to their debut album.

It is titled Empathy for my Future Self and we reviewed it very favourably. It was released under the name LEIGH because Cameron (now she/her) had undergone the transition and the album addressed that.

But, as we noted, “While many trans artists speak of the problems of identity and making the change (and no one should doubt them about that), Leigh – while certainly mentioning them as on [the song] Comfortable? – comes across as optimistic and comfortable in her new life over the cycle of songs here”.

And the songs and arrangements are excellent.

So we thought it timely that she be asked some very personal questions, which she answers in informative depth here . . .

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Where did you grow up, and with who?

I grew up in Waterview at 15 Cowley Street on Oakley Creek, before the house was demolished to build the SH20 motorway tunnel, my backyard remains perfectly intact and is a public park. It’s incredibly surreal to walk around these days.

You face one way, you’re 8 years old catching crabs and jumping into the creek - You turn 180 degrees, your house is gone and you’re 26 again, walking your flatmate’s dog through a public park. I grew up with my mum and dad and various cats, but my brother was always around and has had a huge influence on my life, as has my uncle.

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Was music an important part of your childhood? 

Yes! My uncle Stephen McCurdy, or Uncle Algernon was a music producer (He composed a song for Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, and composed the theme for TV’s Gloss, as well as producing Shona Laing’s South), and though he had stopped by the time I came around, his encouragement (and challenging) of me musically was instrumental in me getting here, although I have to admit it was mainly his paintings that have inspired me musically, I’ve long wanted to create a concept album out of his works, which you can find on his website here.

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What are your earliest childhood memories of music which really affected you . . . 

Since the age of four I have been listening to the soundtrack to Tony Gatlif’s Swing (Tchavolo Schmitt & Mandino Reinhardt) at least once a week. The manouche guitar, and gypsy jazz in general hits something deep in my heart and ancestry that nothing else quite does.

My parents also have early-childhood stories of me attempting Tuvan throat-singing to the soundtrack of Genghis Blues, and attempting to play trumpet along to “Night Train” (The Oscar Peterson Trio), and Kind of Blue (Miles Davis). I was obsessed with my brother Eddie’s band, Rumble Edge Line, and would listen to their 3-track Sampler EPon CD at every opportunity. Another memory, around 8, me and a schoolfriend “borrowed” his foster brother’s walkman and hid under the stairs listening to the brand new The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, thinking that we were uber-cool criminals, because Gerard Way said “shit” on the song “Teenagers”.

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Was there a time when you felt it was going to be music and nothing else?

Music is the only thing that I can do. It’s not even a choice, it never has been. It’s something that I can’t stop doing.

Comics and writing interest me more, but they’re a massive effort to pursue, music is just in me. I remember watching Green Day’s Bullet in a Bible at a very young age and being so drawn to the process of performing. Despite seeing my brother Eddie play live in his funk rock band Rumble Edge Line, it wasn’t until year 9 that I realised I could start a band myself.

I watched Fraser Hunter (drums) and the late Adison Whitley (vocals, guitar) perform as Heroes for Sale in the gym at one of my Green Bay High School assemblies, and they blew my mind. The fact that in 5 years, I could be like them.

The next day I lied that I could play drums, and started a band.

Also, the world is not designed for people like me in many ways. I have combination Autism and ADHD, I’m queer, I’m trans, and I dissociate frequently. I’ve tried to have normal jobs, but the creative world is the only one where A) The way my brain works actually helps instead of hinders, and B) My identity doesn’t matter as long as my music/comics/writing/animation is good and compelling.

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When you started on your music career were people around you supportive or did you have to find those people?

I started singing in year 9 because no one else would. It was 2012, singing was “gay” (derogative) at the time, and that didn’t bother me (Not that I knew I was queer or trans at the time, in retrospect it's funny that my attraction to men is now heterosexual, and it's my attraction to women that makes me queer).

Jeni Little (the head of music at Green Bay High School at the time) was a highly encouraging musical force-of-nature/mother hen, incredibly supportive of all of her students. My parents have always been very supportive of my music, driving me to gigs, and always listening whenever I had a new song to show them.

I also had great support from Dave Atai & Marcus Powell from the Crescendo Trust of Aotearoa, and found some success with Play It Strange (2014, 2015, & 2016) and Smokefreerockquest (The video round of the solo category).

Despite all of that, I never felt like I fit in with the Auckland All-Ages scene, it didn’t feel like there was a space for any of my bands, and being involved always felt like a hierarchical uphill battle. It wasn’t until my post-high school band Blu Fish that it felt like I really found an audience, and in that case, the size of the audience was kind of overwhelming.

Playing in Blu Fish, with Dan Sperber, with Makeshift Parachutes, K M T P, deryk, and Velveteen Shakes, it really felt like people were receptive to my drumming, and it felt like I had found a niche in being that off-kilter androgynous drummer that people would see around all the time.

My solo music has always been odd, I don’t really do genre and wear my eclectic influences on my sleeve. In some ways, being openly trans has made my music more accessible. Not so much that “trans” is a genre of music, but because there is already a societal association between transness and experimental music that is as nonconforming in its aesthetics and genre as it is in the creators’ gender identity.

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The first song of yours which you really felt proud of was . . .? And why that one?

Ooh, this is hard. I have multiple answers. Truthfully it’s a song that is now scrubbed from the Internet, called “Bluesesque (Hey Sister!)” that I wrote & recorded by myself in 2013 based on a song myself and Ruben Mita (Dog Fork, RABBIT as King of the Ghosts) had jammed at school. “Dental Care” (2016) by Title Pending was the first time I thought “Oh shit, we’re actually good”. “Rooftop” (2016) was the first song I wrote that actually moved me. And “The Party” by Blu Fish (2018) was the first time I ever wrote a catchy pop song, and the immediate success it received online definitely had me fighting the urge to write a bunch more standardly-structured catchy songs full of hooks.

Truthfully all of the songs that I’m proud of more than anything else are this album I’ve just made, and the entire discography of Dog Fork - the improvised albums I make with Ruben Mita when we’re both in the same city.

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Any one person you'd call a mentor, angel on your shoulder or invaluable fellow traveller?   

Not one, but many.

Mentors & angels: My uncle Steve, my brother Eddie, Marcus & Dave from CToA, Vivek Gabriel, Troy Kingi, SJD, Jeni Little.

Invaluable fellow travellers: Maia Carr Heke, Tashi Donnelly, Deryk (Mads Bradley), Velveteen Shakes (Keegan Tunks), Shamplooh (Tyler Trench), Ruben Mita, Una Schenker, Jenn & Aidan (Rat World), my band (Jessie Booth, Kieren Norman, Josh Parker & Finn Grieve).

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Where and when was the first time you went on stage as a paid performer?

I collaboratively threw a gig at the (dodgy bad vibes, not recommended) venue UFO in New Lynn with Xanthe Rook (Courtney Hate, Recitals, Bitch Move) on the 10th of October 2014. The lineup was Title Pending (my high school band), Courtney Hate, THE BIG GUS, and Death By Butterflies.

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Ever had stage fright or just a serious failure of nerve before going on stage?

I’m lucky that I went to Green Bay High School and had Jeni Little as my teacher, she made us write, collaborate, enter competitions, perform. By the time I was an adult, I had already faced the worst of my stage fright as a pubescent not-very-good-musician. As long as I have a G&T beforehand, I’m generally fine. 

Switching from drums to guitar was pretty frightening though.

It’s such a new experience, being a frontwoman instead of bolted to the back of the stage. Before the album release on the 5th of July, I freaked out. Jessie Booth (my guitarist) convinced me to run around the green room with her. She was a lifesaver. The conversion of nervous adrenaline into calm focus is brilliant.

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As a songwriter, do you carry a notebook or have a phone right there constantly to grab ideas they come? Or is your method something different?

I used to be an obsessive note-taker in the notes app of whatever phone I had, and I have hundreds of sketchbook/notebooks/scraps of pad-paper from over the years. But these days I’m more audio based.

I’ll sooner turn to the voice memo app to hum something or describe an idea/improvise lyrics. Often I have song titles before I have anything else. Often I’ll just feel a hyperfocus coming on, open up FL Studio, and there’ll be a song done by the time I zone back in to reality.

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What unfashionable album do you love as a guilty pleasure?

Green Day and Arctic Monkeys aren’t cool to like anymore but I still love so much of their discographies. As far as actual cringe goes, I had an ex-girlfriend-imposed emo phase, and since then I’ve had a soft spot for Bring Me the Horizon and Twenty One Pilots.

I also still listen to Brand New on occasion, a band that meant a huge amount to me, and was a massive source of musical inspiration. Generally upon people’s cancellation, I oust their work from my tastes and from my listening habits. But The Devil & God Are Raging Inside Me is still a top ten album of all time, no matter how much I dislike Jesse Lacey’s actions.

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Any piece of advice you were given which you look back on which really meant something?

From my best friend: No one is watching you with the same intense scrutiny you watch yourself with.

From my mum: If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. 

From my dad: You have to actually do it.

From my partner (Re: transition): Think about it this way, do you want to make it to 70-years-old and regret never having done anything about it?

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It's after a performance/concert and you are in a hotel room or back at home, what happens then?

Take off the (often far too tight) gig outfit, get a hoodie and comfy pants on, and have a gin & tonic and some tea with my boyfriend, my band, and my friends. And eat a BIG meal. Maybe play some Love Letter, Root, or Magic the Gathering.

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Is there any fellow artist you admire for professional and/or personal reasons?

Many! Maia Carr Heke is my favourite author, I have known her since we were 5 and I will read everything she ever writes.

My live band (Jessie Booth, Kieren Norman, Josh Parker, Finn Grieve) are some of the most talented people I know, with the most beautiful souls, I love them so much.

deryk (Madeline Bradley) has been quietly hard at work on the album of the decade, and she does things melodically and harmonically that scratch an itch at the back of my brain that no one else can.

Velveteen Shakes (Keegan Tunks) is one of my best friends, and brings so much joy into my life.

Kynikos (Ruby Adkins), was finally bullied by myself and the rest of our T-Girl Coven (Shoutout Megan & Petra) into releasing her music, and it’s brilliant.

Troy Kingi has a work ethic and conceptual brain that inspires me to follow my weird and be unapologetically musically myself.

David Adison/Heroes for Sale (Fraser Hunter and the late Adison Whitley) will always be my heroes from back when I was a wide-eyed 13-year-old.

Donald Glover (Childish Gambino) has been an obsession since 2013.

Leith Towers (of Charlie Freak and Ringlets) was another hero during my teenage years and continues to release nothing but gold.

Tashi Donnelly (Tashi Rd), is a ridiculously talented artist and comic maker who just keeps getting better and better and I cherish being among the first to see everything she makes.

Sloane Hong is my favourite NZ comic artist, and has conquered the trans body-horror/sci-fi market.

Jenn and Aidan from Rat World Magazine have created a community that I am eternally grateful for and I will make music and comics for them until the day I die.

One Piece's Eiichiro Oda and Studio Ghibli's Hayao Miyazaki are the greatest storytellers of my lifetime and I owe so much of myself to their influence over my childhood.

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And finally, where to from here for you do you think?

I’m a part of Exploding Rainbow Orchestra vol. 4 which is super exciting! I’m always keen for more gigs, and I have plans to do a b-sides album towards the end of the year, featuring remixes of tracks from Empathy, and collaborations with some of my favourite music pals to finish a bunch of the b-sides I cut while making the album. (The final track listing of Empathy only contained 13 of the 30 songs I wrote for the album).

And then… 

Album number 4! Titled Sometimes Your Irises Turn Black. A concept album about The Well, The Eyes, and The Dead. Right towards the end of “The Stare of a Newborn”, the final track of Empathy, there’s a sneaky sample of the opening moments of the next album.

It’s much darker, it’s simultaneously less and more personal than Empathy. It’s based on my uncle’s paintings, on the collective unconscious, the concept of “The Well”, people in my life who have greatly influenced me, and/or people in my life who have died.

I’m daunted by the scope of the project, but I’m excited to finally be able to write songs about something other than myself and my gender identity.

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You can hear and buy Empathy For My Future Self at bandcamp here

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