Absurd Elsewhere

Satire, parody, weak-minded wit and what passes for humour at Elsewhere. To be taken not seriously . . . unless you care to.

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BABYSITTERS ANGRY AT TEACHERS TAKING THEIR JOBS

17 Apr 2020  |  2 min read

 The announcement by the government that some schools will be able to open soon and parents could choose whether their children can attend has drawn sharp rebukes from various teachers' associations. Deidre Utu-Anger of Kakamoana Beach School who spoke to journalists on the understanding on anonymity said, “This is a disgrace and you know what's going to happen. Teachers... > Read more

GREAT LOST KIWI SINGLES: Rock follies

20 Mar 2020  |  8 min read  |  9

They are found at the back of cartons at record fairs, under beds in long abandoned houses and sometimes stored lovingly -- but rarely played -- in the collections of the obsessives. They are those great, and not that great, singles by Kiwi artists which existed either in limited pressings or were simply so awful the artists themselves tried to buy and destroy every copy. They are Kiwi... > Read more

Peter Cape: Coffee Bar Blues

THE COVFEFE VIRUS (2020): More dangerous than SARS and the Coronavirus

14 Feb 2020  |  3 min read

An announcement today by WHO (World Health Officers) has confirmed that the Covfefe Virus is now a global pandemic as it spreads unchecked. The virus – which is considered an extreme and aberrant form of what was called Benito's Disease which appeared in the Thirties in Italy – has spread at an alarming rate in the past five years. It now infects most Western nations, areas... > Read more

I WANNA BE YOUR MAN, RECONSIDERED (2020): The hit the Beatles stole and on-sold

18 Jan 2020  |  3 min read  |  2

Most people who know the story of the Beatles' success are aware that before they conquered America by appearing on the Ed Skelton Show in February 1964 they had already made their reputation in Britain. Not only had they had hits like Love Me Do, Please Please Me, Hold My Hand and She Loves You, but the Lennon-McCartney songwriting team had written hits for Billy J Kramer, Cilla Black and... > Read more

THE BEATLES; THEIR LOST LAST ALBUM DISCOVERED (2019): And in another end

15 Sep 2019  |  7 min read

In a recent interview with London's Guardian Sun-Times, the Beatles' researcher and biographer Mark St Lewisham revealed that while listening to studio recordings of the band in 1969 he came across a remarkable and myth-busting discussion between John Lennon, George Harrison, Paul McCartney and their producer George Martin (peace be upon him). In the conversation Lennon starts outlining... > Read more

BLIND BOY TRUMAN REDISCOVERED (2019): Blues from the underground

19 Aug 2019  |  3 min read

Until recently, so little was known about the bluesman known as Blind Boy Truman that it was widely believed he only existed in the world of myth, if he existed at all. There was only one known but disputed photo of him, no birth or death certificates, no recordings and no accounts of him every playing live around his hometown of Cross Timbers in Hickory County near the Truman Reservoir... > Read more

THE BEATLES: HEAR AND NOW; LIVE IN THE STUDIO 24/1/69 (2018): Wired for the sounds of silence

26 Oct 2018  |  5 min read

Just as Beatle fans are coming to financial terms with the magisterial expanded reissue of The White Album – seven discs, a book and photos in the Deluxe Edition -- comes news from Apple Enterprises and Incorporated Offshore Unity (AE&IOU) of an unexpected new release next year. It is of the Beatles live in the studio recorded over one day in January 1969 when they were rehearsing... > Read more

ERIKA DARKSSON INTERVIEWED (2018): What lies beneath

8 Jul 2018  |  5 min read  |  1

Warning: The following article contains references to violence, sex and obscene language. Reader discretion is advised. When I look back, I think I was always different from other children. They could be distant and stay in their rooms reading, but I was always very outgoing, loved to run and play and actually had quite a lot of friends. I grew up in a very happy home and I loved... > Read more

LOCUS AND LOCATION: THE SOCIO-GEOGRAPHY AND POST-COLONIAL DISCOURSE IN DON McGLASHAN'S DOMINION ROAD

30 Jun 2018  |  4 min read  |  3

Don McGlashan is one of New Zealand's most respected and successful songwriters. He been awarded the Apra Silver Scroll for songwriting 47 times and has been given honorary doctorates from many New Zealand universities which allow him to practice medicine. He has turned a keen eye onto New Zealand society in songs like There is No Depression in New Zealand in which he hailed the cautious... > Read more

RINGO STARR; THE KNIGHT . . . AS A DAME? A psycho-sexual biography by Dr CHRISTOPHER JORGENSEN

17 Jun 2018  |  7 min read  |  5

The subtitle of this remarkable, penetratingly insightful and revisionist biography – The Drummer in the Beatles, The Woman in the Drummer – posits a bombshell theory. That during his Beatle years Ringo Starr, now Sir Richard Starkey, grappled with his sexuality and was drawn so much to his feminine side that he actually wanted to be recognised as a woman. The author, who... > Read more

UNRELEASED HENDRIX STUDIO SESSIONS DISCOVERED (2018): Young man blowing his horn

15 Jan 2018  |  4 min read

When Jimi Hendrix confidante and studio engineer Eddie Kramer told Elsewhere back in 2013 that there were no more studio sessions by Hendrix to be released what he really meant to say was, actually there were more to be released. The new collection Both Sides of the Sky apparently completes the posthumous trilogy started by Valleys of Neptune and People Hell And Angels. Mixed by... > Read more

LORDE: REISSUED ALREADY? (2018): Lorde's business is big business

7 Jan 2018  |  4 min read  |  1

Pop picking is a fast'n'furious business these days and, as Art Garfunkel memorably sang on his Graceland album, “Every generation throws a hero up the pop charts”. But just as important to an artist as a hit single streamed for free or a YouTube clip which can be viewed a billion times (also for free) is the reissue of their classic album with extra tracks. These... > Read more

THE BEST MUSIC OF ELSEWHERE IN 2018: The shape of things that came

19 Dec 2017  |  7 min read

Rather than wait a year to look back at the best albums to come out in 2018, Elsewhere though it would get a jump on the game and reflect back on the year to come and single out the best ever of the greatest albums. ZiLcH xXx: The Presumption of the Poly-Agonal Para-dime Breakthrough artist of the year was undoubtedly Detroit's ZiLcH xXx (Charles Monfort-Jones), the eldest son... > Read more

THE BEATLES, THE RISHiKESH ALBUM (2017): A lost album found at last

31 Jul 2017  |  5 min read  |  1

The discovery last week of a previously unknown Beatles' studio album from 1968 – recorded at EMI Studios in New Delhi (formerly known as Delhi) in India – has prompted the band's many researchers and experts to reassess the Beatles' catalogue. And it has sparked excitement among fans that the recordings – 14 songs, only three previously familiar but on the Rishikesh... > Read more

THE FIVE MOST RARESTER BEATLE ALBUMS EVER: A place where nothing is real

19 Jun 2017  |  5 min read  |  3

Although the Beatles appeared to have a finite recording career (1962-69) and that everything they ever did has been released, remastered and/or remixed, for the abject Beatle fan there is always going to be the need for more. Of course the famous Carnival of Light track may never come to the surface but some rightly hold out hope for an expanded edition of the Get Back/Let It Be... > Read more

THE BEATLES . THE WHITE ALBUM REISSUED AND REMIXED (2017): A pale shade of whiter

29 May 2017  |  4 min read  |  2

When the founder of Wikileaks Julian Assante released 150,000 secret files last week to celebrate the Spanish court dropping rape charges against him, one small corner of that internet world got very excited but the buzz went largely unnoticed by the mainstream media. While CNN, the Fox Network, Aljazeera and TV3's The Project all focused on the aspects of Middle Eastern policy, those... > Read more

Back in the USSR (from the White Cage version)

DEATHBED CONFESSIONS: Reality television to die for

28 Jan 2017  |  3 min read

Just when the genre of reality television seemed to have run its course, the doyen of the style, Christie Julian, has, for want of a better phrase, given it a new lease on life with Deathbed Confessions, a series she describes as "a great leap forward which places emphasis on the 'reality' part of the equation". Speaking on her departure for the United States, where she is... > Read more

THE AMBER RILEY-THOMPSON SAGA, PART THE FIRST (2003-04): A child's Christmas and wails

19 Feb 2016  |  4 min read

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THE AMBER RILEY-THOMPSON SAGA, PART THE TWO (2004): More miss adventures

19 Feb 2016  |  19 min read

A little background to these stories which appeared in the New Zealand Herald . . .  Late in 2003 Russell Baillie, the Herald’s entertainment editor, and I were talking about having something light-hearted in the paper over the holiday period. I came up with the idea of following a snotty, stroppy, ungrateful, surly 14-year old girl of the kind you see in shopping malls -- or... > Read more

THE MUSICIAN: A Fairly True Tale

12 Apr 2013  |  1 min read

The young man settled himself into the chair and placed his new guitar case on the floor beside him. His face raised into a natural if boyish smile, the outline of his cheeks rimmed by a flat, soft beard of the kind that many young men grow briefly and self-consciously in their eighteenth year. His hands clasped his knees in a juvenile gesture of delight. The man he was sitting beside... > Read more